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Why I Will Never Do Hot Yoga Again

Dear diary,

I thought I was a goner today.

I tried this new hipster craze of hot yoga and I thought I was going to be taken out by the heat. I walked in with a sparkle in my eye and determination in my heart but quickly had both of those ripped from my soul.

Girl doing yoga on pink matThe class lined up on our yoga mats in front of a row of mirrors. I’m sure they do this so we can perfect our form but sadly I just picked apart how my hair was already out of place and how my sports bra seemed crooked. We started in on our poses and I felt proud of myself. I was able to do all the poses for the length of time as the instructors without having to go into child’s pose. We were flowing flawlessly into each pose and I couldn’t take my eyes of myself in the mirror. I mean I was looking pretty cute in my brand-new coordinating pink workout outfit.

I could feel the room getting warmer and warmer, but I still felt like I could handle the experience. But as we were moving into the next pose it happened.

The vain person that I am wanted to look my best for the class. I mean I didn’t know if I would run into an ex, my arch nemesis or a potential client. You have to be prepared at all times! So of course I got all dolled up with my makeup and perfume. So there I was about to flow into my next pose and felt for the first time in my life my skin start to glisten. I didn’t know how to process what was happening. What was this substance on my skin? I did the first thing I thought of, I took the towel that I thought was just there for show and wiped it across my face in one clean swoosh.

Well that swoosh worked a little too well.  My white towel looked like a three year old finger painted all over it! I tried staring at myself in the mirror in front of me to see the damage I caused. But sadly the lights were dimmed low so I felt like I was looking at myself through wine goggles.

Luck was on my side and the instructor started to bring us into the final cool down pose. I couldn’t relax and enjoy the moment because I was paranoid of what would happen when the lights turned on. Would I pull a vampire move and gasped at the sight of light? Would my arch nemesis rise up from the back and take a photo of me to post while walking out? Would the instructor come to come to say hi and see that I looked like something I drew with my left hand? Those are chances I couldn’t take that day. I rolled up my mat and got the heck out of dodge.

Lesson learned: don’t wear makeup to any type of workout class, since sweat isn’t only something that happens in the movies. Also, working out is for suckers.

Green Bath BombNow if you will excuse me I have a date with my bathtub, time to soak away the worries of the day. In the future I think I will stick to weightlifting my wine glass.

Sincerely,

Lushy

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